Side by Side Comparison

Yesterday was the 2 year anniversary of my accident.

I wanted to see a side by side comparison of my leg today vs two years ago. I guess the foot has turned out since the beginning. I have been under the assumption that it only rotated outward when I started bearing weight again… and there still remains a ghost of that giant thigh contusion (ruptured muscle, come to find out…)…

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Anniversary

I can’t believe it’s officially now been two years.

It has been two years since I jumped, two years since I ran, two years since I skipped, cartwheeled, danced. It has been two years since I moved my big toe, two years since I stood up straight, two years of my foot pointing away from my leg, two years of limping, two years of constant excruciating pain.

It has been two years since I entered into the endless nightmare machine commonly known as “the system.” I have endured inconceivable physical pain, emotional stress, and unfathomable frustration.

And all of this, every ounce of this horrible experience, has made me more determined to jump, run, skip, cartwheel, and dance again (and walk normally, climb stairs, sit in a chair, drive a car…).

Hopes and Dreams

I can’t wait until my foot lines up with my leg again, my arch isn’t dropped anymore, and my lower leg functions again.

When that day comes, and my body is out of risk for further injury, you can bet that I’m going to clop as fast as I possibly can to the closest dance class…

http://www.painreliefrevolution.com/article/chronic-pain-treatments-exercises/dance-exercise-disguise-crps-and-chronic-pain

This Boot Was Made for Something

So. This begrudged boot…

24 hours in, and it hurts really, really badly. I’m not going to kid you about that.

HOWEVER, I realized that it weighs about 4 lbs. The weight is distributed evenly enough that I can do leg extensions so I can finally try to rebuild my ruptured quadriceps, and probably other leg exercises to regain muscle strength/tone in my right leg.

AND when standing in the boot on the right and a flip flop on my left, my hips are even and square and most of the pressure on my low back and hip has been slightly relieved.

Now, Isn’t This Lovely…

Today was my first visit to a new orthopedist/ankle specialist. He was recommended by my neurologist, who has my complete confidence.

It seems that I will probably need surgery to correct the lateral rotation of my right foot. However, he doesn’t want to touch my ankle until my CRPS is in remission and under control. To help control the spasms, and to prevent injury and misuse of my ankle joint, I was placed in a boot. Indefinitely.

Let’s just add this to the list of times a doctor has seen me cry in the past 2 years…

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I Am Resolute

I am often asked how I “cope” with the drastic change of lifestyle since my accident, how I maintain hope, how I stay positive.

A stupid accident has indeed taken seemingly everything from me: my livelihood, my ability to dance (for now…???), my home, my savings, my independence, my dignity, my pride.

But, when nothing is left, when the pieces of one’s life have shattered into dust so fine that they can’t be put back together again, when all that remains are memories and an intimidatingly blank future, I will openly admit that I am incredibly lucky.

I have known happiness. I have known peace. I have known moments so pure that everything in the world disappeared.

Times are hard. I have no clue how (or when) I will be able to start over, but I am resolute that my future, just like my past, will contain happiness, peace, and many more carefree perfect moments.