My goal for today was simply to swim a mile. A mile is just under 1800 yards. The pool is 25 yards long. We can thus approximate one mile to be 36 laps (down and back). I got in and was on my way. However, I lost count on lap 7 (or was it 8? 9??? look at the pretty sparkles…) because I’m on drugs and mornings are hard.
Since counting to 36 proved to be too difficult a task, I timed myself. I could easily go down and back within a minute (please, pretty please, don’t judge this horrible time… yes, I’m talking about taking *a minute* to swim 50 yards. But, I can only kick with one leg and I can’t flip turn and push off the wall. I literally have to slow down as I get to the end of the pool, stop, turn around, and then push off with one leg… ). So, I allowed myself a full minute for the lap and then I tread water in the deep end until the next quarter minute and then I’d go again. I did this for 55 minutes.
Growing up in a competitive environment, and having a personality that constantly seeks improvement toward self-perfection, I naturally look for my flaws so that I can improve upon them. This CRPS nonsense is teaching me (in a very cruel manner) that I can’t always fix my flaws. I am (slowly) learning to acknowledge mundane things I’d normally take for granted and count them as small “successes.”
So, here is a brief list of the things that made me feel proud of myself:
1) I overcame the guilt and humiliation of having to have my dad drive me to the pool,
2) I overcame the humiliation of marching my giant boot out to the pool deck,
3) I resisted the urge to race my neighbors,
4) I knew exactly how every kick with my right leg was going to feel (first the gunshot on the outside, then the baseball bat to the inside, then the chainsaw across the ankle) and I kept kicking anyway,
5) I reserved self-judgment for after my swim, and, oh yeah
6) ex post facto calculations showed that I swam well over a mile.