Falling Short

I’m tired.

And I’m tired of feeling tired.

I really do try to just keep on trying.

But. Fuck. I’m tired.

Life with CRPS is exhausting. Every nerve in my right leg from the knee down is firing at this moment. The buzzing is driving me crazy. The crushing internal pain takes my breath away. My toes are contorting on their own. My skin is on fire. My leg is heavy, my foot, a cinder block.  You know the drill. By now, we all know the story. Yet somehow, knowing about all of the same old bullshit doesn’t make it go away.

There are a million things I would rather do right now other than sit on my bed with my leg elevated complaining to you about (still) having CRPS.

I tried to ride my bike today. I had to stop. I don’t have the energy to go to the pool to swim. Besides, I know the water temperature would cause my leg to flare worse.

I would really like to meet a friend for lunch. Or, maybe take a trip to the beach to read books on the sand and swim in the ocean. All impossibilities right now.

I know these are the worst of days. I am days away from another injection. I am counting the days. I am counting on that day…

I know a bit of relief is just around the corner. I know my symptoms are at their peak right now. I know the edges soon will be smoothed down to make life with CRPS tolerable-ish again for a little while.

I just have to bide the time.

But. Jesus. It hurts. And I’m tired.

I’m really tired of this. 

 

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